What I learned when I quit drinking!

Three days ago marked two years since I quit drinking. I'm not surprised I have lasted this long to be honest because if I really want something, I go out and get it. I'm the type of person that if you tell me I can't do something, then watch the f out because I will do it and then some.

I, among many others, would have those days where I would say "that's it, I'm done" moments but never last. You know what I'm taking about, you go out, you feel amazing, you're having so much fun, you don't want the night to end. Then you finally crash and wake up the next day, wondering what happened and why you keep putting yourself through this constant reoccurring battle. But somehow you end up right back at the same place, out with friends, having a blast!

Well with me, I had two types of evenings, one was the super outgoing, fun, life of the party who is always telling everyone to come have a drink, or shot, and have fun. And two, the mean, hateful, don't come anywhere near me because I hate everyone. I know, I know! Everyone can have their ups and downs, so before you lose interest and try and tell me that everyone is like that and I should get over it. Shush! Lol. Yes I did just shush you!

With me, I never was the type of person who could have one beer with dinner and head home like everything is ok. No, I have it embedded in my DNA that as soon as I take one drink, BOOM, it's on motherf'er, where's the party and who's in because if you're not, you're in the way!! When I say party, I mean partay! Lol. Don't matter who I am with, just who can keep up!

I used to have so much fun, I had so many "friends". People that tell me they love me and that we need to hang out more often, blah blah blah. Basically for anyone to know. People just tell you want you want to hear and you're stuck wondering what you did and why they're not around anymore.

In these two short years of not drinking and partying, I have learned a lot about the people who I used to hang around with, or the people I would see while out. People you never thought would just forget about you because you decided to better yourself. You go through a lot of growing and learn so much about everything. You begin to wonder if it's the right decision and whether or not it is right for you. You go through lows and highs. Highs where you feel great because you have made it this far and then lows because everyone else is having "fun".

As you all should know about me by now, well if you read any of my other blogs, that I spent along time working away. This in turn made me spiral out of control into a deep place that I never would hope for anyone. Partying was my escape, my time to get away, to unwind and it's a battle to bounce out of. When you finally make the decision to do so, you lose friends, you wonder what the hell is wrong with you. Why you are the one going through all of this. Why the people who were there for every step of the way and "loved you" just abandon you.

Then, you start to see the good, well at least for me anyway. You realize that these so called friends, were not friends at all, in fact, they are people who are only in your life for a short time. A chapter of your life and you're on to the next. You learn that these people stop calling you, stop asking you to hang out or to stop by. People don't just drop by when you're outside anymore because really, I guess, why would they? Not like they really knew you anyway. Not the person you are inside. All they ever knew about me, was that I was fun and like to have fun but really I was just in such a dark place that that was my escape.

You come to realize a lot. A lot about everyone you think you know, a lot about yourself, a lot about the people you really care for, that you took valuable time away from. Your mind becomes clearer. You see things differently. Then, you begin to realize the truth, that you don't need partying in your life to actually have fun. You realize how strong you actually are and that the ones who still manage to be around, are the ones who you really need, and maybe they actually need you too!